(Divya announced a Tell a Tale contest in her site. She gave the starting lines of a story. The readers were asked to complete the story. I was hesitant to participate; scared to take the challenge. Got some encouragement from her. The result is....)
Starting lines given by Divya:
“Coffeeee!! Teaa!!”
“Coffeeee!! Teaa!!”
The vendor called out as he passed the coupe.
“Thuddd!”
The baby fell on its knee trying to walk across to his mother.
The mother ran to pick up the child and is busy placating him.
Ravishing young lady sat across him checking her flock of hair in the mirror of her mini clutch bag.
The chatter from the group of young boys engrossed in a card game relayed from above.
The train had halted at Varnasi for 15 mins. He hadn’t moved or uttered a word from the time he got on.
The newspaper covered Sanjay’s face; his eyes peered through his bi-focal spectacles and his hair rested neatly combed sideways.
A pencil in his hand was losing his grip
“Coffeeee!! Teaa!!”
The vendor called out as he passed the coupe.
“Thuddd!”
The baby fell on its knee trying to walk across to his mother.
The mother ran to pick up the child and is busy placating him.
Ravishing young lady sat across him checking her flock of hair in the mirror of her mini clutch bag.
The chatter from the group of young boys engrossed in a card game relayed from above.
The train had halted at Varnasi for 15 mins. He hadn’t moved or uttered a word from the time he got on.
The newspaper covered Sanjay’s face; his eyes peered through his bi-focal spectacles and his hair rested neatly combed sideways.
A pencil in his hand was losing his grip
This is how it proceeds...
15 more
minutes for the train to start!
Sanjay was getting restless. The
tea vendor winked at him as he passed the coupe. That was a signal- arrangements
for his escape have been done. Sanjay dropped the pencil to indicate that he
had done his job well.
His job?
He had placed his suitcase
containing RDX beneath his seat and chained it. A small remote control device
was waiting patiently in his pant pocket.
Once the train starts, he would disembark coolly
and press the remote.
How else would Sanjay’s group teach
a lesson to the opposition party? Just for winning the elections in UP, it had promised
reservation for minorities. The party had to be taught a lesson.
What better place to teach the
lesson than Varanasi!
10 more
minutes!
Archana was looking into the mirror
of her mini clutch bag and applying lipstick. ‘Beautiful! Dashing!’ She
complimented herself.
But then reality sunk in.
‘Why are you doing this Archu?
You’re going to die in the next half an hour. What’s the need for make up? Do you
want tomorrow’s newspapers to describe you as ‘beautiful young lady’ while
reporting your death?’
Tears rolled down her
eyes.
‘Why did you do this to me, Rohan?’
After two years’ of relationship,
Rohan ditched her to marry a girl of his parents’ choice. Reason? She was an
orphan and that was not acceptable to his orthodox parents. She was pleading
with his parents in the morning. Rohan remained a mute spectator. He did not
utter a word in her support.
She felt something breaking inside
her. Spineless, selfish Rohan! She walked out of his house. On the way to the
railway station, she bought rat poison.
She had a good job; she was financially
independent. But there was no desire to live.
Why should she live? After the
train starts she would go to the toilet and consume the rat poison. To be sure
that no one tries to save her life she would jump out of the running train.
5 more
minutes.
The three teenagers who were
playing cards in the upper berth got down. They were college dropouts and
members of a naxal group which operated from interior UP. While two of them walked
towards the toilet, Puneet, the team leader stayed back.
Enough of fun. Enough of trying to be casual. He was fuming.
The UP government had arrested Ranjan, his leader the previous week . Puneet was given the responsibility to secure
Ranjan’s release.
After the train starts they would
close all the doors and the pathways to the adjacent compartments. They would
stop the train about 10 kms away from
Varanasi. They had machine guns with
them. They would hold the passengers as
hostages and start the negotiation with the government for the release of Ranjan.
With elections round the corner,
the government would not dare to reject their demand.
4 more
minutes.
Sanjay felt a soft hand touching his feet. He bent
down to see the baby. He smiled and took it in his arms. He looked around for
the baby’s mother. She was not to be seen. She was there a couple of minutes earlier.
Where did she go?
He was getting restless.
3 more
minutes.
He had to act. What to do with the
baby?
“ha..ha…ha…..” The baby was playing
with his moustache.
Innocent laughing face of the
child! He forgot himself, his mission for a minute. Would his son Ajay be of
the age of this baby? When did he see Ajay last? 3 months back? Would he be
laughing like this baby? He felt some pain in stomach.
The baby pissed on his shirt.
He looked at Puneet who took the baby
from his arm. Sanjay wiped his shirt with his kerchief.
2 more
minutes.
When Puneet looked around for the
child’s mother, he noticed a letter sticking out of the baby’s shirt pocket.
He looked at Archana who took the
letter out and started reading aloud.
‘He is my baby. His father, my
lover has deserted me. I have neither the will nor the resources to bring him
up. I am ending my life. Whoever gets this letter, please take care of my son.
Payal’
The baby circled his neck with his
hands and kissed on his left cheek.
One more
minute.
Vendors were getting out. Last
minutes passengers were boarding.
‘If I take the passengers into hostage,
I will take this baby also. Will it stand the prolonged negotiations with the
government? Is Ranjan’s release worth it?’ thought Puneet.
‘If I blow up the train, will this baby
also not die? If someone is irresponsible and reserves some seats for
minorities, why should this baby die? Is it worth?’ doubted Sanjay.
‘I was wondering why I should live.
I have found the reason. I do not want this child to be an orphan like me. I’ll
bring him up,’ decided Archana.
All the three looked at one
another.
They sat down in their respective
seats.
Nice story. Beautiful narration.
ReplyDeleteAlso a good and touching climax. :)
Thanks. I see that you are also participating in the contest. All the very best
Deleteஅருமையான கதை.. உரையாடல் அருமை
ReplyDeleteஉங்கள் கருத்துக்கு மிகவும் நன்றி. தொடர்ந்து ஆதரவு தரவும்.
DeleteWonderful story that circled between three life takers and a baby. They three were going to die for the what the selfish motives they had in their mind for without thinking about anything else. But the baby and the letter saved them to take a different path and changed their lives completely giving them a new reason to live life.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It was somewhat difficult- I was given a beginning; trying to fit characters and story into the same. From your comments I feel I have done a reasonable job.
DeleteThanks for the participation and you have come with a brilliant story :)
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you made use of every character in an interesting manner and the story was well paced & gripping.
All the best!
Glad you liked the story.
DeleteOh sir.. you made it :( i am yet to come up with a story !
ReplyDeleteNice story and almost you have used everyone :) :)
NICE TITLE :P attractive !
Dee..
Thanks. Title- when I wrote I didn't feel anything special. After you pointed out the same, yes the title looks attractive.
DeleteSir! I did know you could write story so well.
ReplyDeleteActually I also do not know. I just tried. I can't believe that some of you like the story. Thanks.
ReplyDelete:D Wow ! Really wow :) They say god resides in a child's smile :)
ReplyDeleteThanks. My first short story. I am glad that I am able to impress some readers.
DeleteGreat sub-plots. And a innovative title :) I see that this is your first story. That makes it a much more commendable attempt.
ReplyDeleteThanks Asif. It feels good to get such positive feedback.
DeleteAwesome! So many things told with such simplicity! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the positive feedback.
ReplyDeletelovely story....all the best with the contest
ReplyDeleteThanks for the good wishes. After a long time...
Deletenice story and i like the narration and the way you showed the each minute act.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Good to get positive feedback like this for my first short story.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story... n loved the narration. all d best :)
ReplyDelete- Shanoj
Thanks for the good wishes and positive feedback
DeleteThrilling one :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice turn of events. good job.
Thanks for the positive views.
DeleteThanks. Glad to note that you liked the story.
ReplyDeleteAh Hariji.. that is wonderful.. I never thought of such a plot.. the parallel narration was really good and so was the ending.. :) I am so sorry that I got to know about the contest so late.. :(
ReplyDeleteThanks you liked the story. Actually short story is your forte.
DeleteSpanking story, sir. I felt the idea of your stories is retained viz. hope amidst the crumbling society.
ReplyDeleteThis one is not as gripping as The Journalist, but it's a lot more touching. Awesomely maneuvered!
I can understand. I had to proceed from the starting lines and make a story.
ReplyDeleteSir, the story is superb. It has all the ingredients of a thriller.
ReplyDeleteAnd, thanks so much for suggesting my name and the confidence you had in me. But, I am extremely sorry for not having come up with my story before the last date, i.e. today. Last couple of weeks have been hectic on work front. Sorry and thanks again. :(
I am happy that you liked the story. I can understand the work pressure.
Deletethis was a super story Sir. so glad that you took up the 'challenge' & hapy that she motivated you to participate :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the story. In fact it was my first attempt. I was nervous.
DeleteIt was thrilling story... Characterization was beautiful.. All in all I enjoyed reading it... Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Glad you liked the story.
Deletecreativity at its best, Hariharan! Looks like you have wonderful future in script writing!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Honestly I feel flattered. This is my first attempt and I am happy that you liked the story.
DeleteInteresting story weaved from a simple set up and amazing things which we tend to ignore within our mundane lives :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Nitin.
ReplyDeleteI was hooked till the end. Life maybe easy to take but nurturing a life is not an easy task but still they preferred doing the latter instead of the former...
ReplyDeleteAmazing Story sir...
Glad you liked the story. Thanks
Deletewowwwwwww............what a story Hariharan bhai...:-)
ReplyDeleteThanks. Glad you liked the story.
DeleteScreenplay super Sir!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much
Delete