Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wanted a TV Anchor

(These faces have no relation whatsoever to this post; they have appeared here by mistake.)


‘Blah Blah 24x7’, the most watched (???), most respected (????) news channel in India today, requires not very urgently  an aggressive, laid-back, pliable, hardnosed, admit-no-mistake Anchor.

Candidates meeting the following requirements can apply (Candidates not meeting the requirements can also apply, but the Channel will not consider!):



Designation
Choose between ‘Editor-in-Chief’, ‘Managing Editor’, ‘Group Editor’, ’Political Affairs Editor.’

Reporting to
Yourself- you will be an autonomous entity not reporting to anyone; even if you are caught indulging in unethical journalistic behavior you will not be sacked because we do not know who you will be reporting to.

Age
Blah…blah…blah….

Qualification
Some more blah…blah…blah….

Experience
The ideal candidate will have a minimum of 10 years experience in-
  • Disrupting conversations.
  • Inviting guests and snubbing them.
  • Raising voice and shouting at others during conversation.
  • Switching off the mike when someone is talking.

Specialization


Key responsibilities and accountabilities
  • You should be able to innovatively misinterpret TRP data and claim leadership position for your channel.
  • You should be able to conduct opinion polls the results of which will suit your pre-determined whims. 


Achievements in past assignments
Candidates with any of the following achievements to their credit in their previous assignment will be given preference:


Personal attributes

Membership of professional bodies
You should be a life time member of Mutual Admiration Society. You should call shameless editors of newspapers to your debates in return for their publishing columns in their newspapers.

43 comments:

  1. That was one explicit job advertisement Hariharan! I am sure there will be many takers, the way our channels are proliferating and thriving on the very things listed here. News needs to be renamed as 'Views' since every Tom, Dick and Harry and every rookie reporter just out of school gives us views instead of news these days.

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    1. It is a very paying profession for doing nothing more than gossiping. I hope many respond to this ad.

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  2. This is an amazing blog post. The satire is well presented. I hope this reaches out to some of the news channels and they improvise a bit!

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    1. Thanks. While I also hope they improvise a bit, I doubt very much the same having known their fat egos.

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  3. Awesome :-) No doubt the News Channels on TV are the best reality-shows these days. I wonder why no reporter brings an MLA or MP and get the facts and figures about the progress he brought to his constituency with all the funds allocated for him / her - OBJECTIVELY !

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    1. Positive news is no news. That is the problem. TV news is the best reality show- I like that.

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  4. Nice post !! The experience required for the post of TV anchor mentioned by you is quite true and you will be able to see that in some of the bigwig channel. Their anchors are so rude to the invited guests that even the viewing public are able to feel anger..... !!! More a news is sensationalized by the anchor better is the channel TRP... and this is one sure way of doing it.

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    1. I feel quite enraged watching TV debates- how they snub the guests. But I also wonder why the guests, after all come for the show.

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  5. Hariharan my friend I was not knowing you write such satires. Keep the going

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  6. you tempted me enuf to apply fr one of the post , LOL !

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    1. Please don't. Having known the arrogance of the anchors and having known you through such nice posts of yours, I can easily say you will be a misfit.

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  7. Ah! Great to see such satire. I tried one in my own blog but, Hari, you have made me feel that I should take it off:):) The only qualification that you have missed out and I have exclusively stressed is that the candidate positively doesn't need to know the language that he is talking:)

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    1. Glad that you enjoyed the post. I can add what you have suggested. Let me read your post.

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  8. Hilarious....u got the right profile for Wanted a TV Anchor....
    Are you an HR by any chance!!! lol....

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  9. Although, my comments are not obscene or not racially hatred motifying, and at best satirically equate the deeds of the concerned with that of a circus ( which many do away), all most all my comments get filtered and are never accepted by a particular news website. So, much for freedom of speech and democracy. :(

    Any user can relate to even simple things in the article, something as simple as "interrupting conversations", which can be terribly irritating for anyone. I wonder inspite of all this, how we get to see the same faces again and again on these channels?

    Check out this link:

    http://maangaooruga.blogspot.in/2012/02/bahulbhoondi-got-married-today.html

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    1. Thanks. I also wonder whether Indian viewers have been so tolerant...

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  10. Wish their advertisements were as honest as this one, coz this one says it like it's happening in Indian News these days. But then, it would be self contradictory, right?
    Very very good take:) Enjoyed it immensely. :)

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  11. Hariharan - brilliant .. lol .. just what most of think of these news anchors.. Sometimes i get so angry seeing a particular lady on TV that I fear I might break my TV one of these days .. Journalism used to be a great profession and there are some real good ones still but majority have made a mockery of their work ..

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    1. Thanks...BTW you are irritated by only one lady...you are very tolerant. I have I list of them who force me to break my TV.

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  12. hahahaha!! a very fine satire.

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  13. Great post , enjoyed reading it

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  14. What a Satire on the sick blackmailers, the bastard children of unabashed power and mental insolvency, hell bent on soiling the soul of a fast dying nation. Unfortunately, they are in a position to spread the venom of debauchery fast among the disoriented populace, thanks to their to access to popular media. These felons are so thick-skinned, they'd probably drag God and strip him naked 'Live' and then blast him for allowing them to humiliate him so.

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  15. I can feel your anger. They have become totally unaccountable-just as you have pointed they can blame god for allowing them to humiliate.

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  16. This sums up every news anchor I have seen in the past 5 years on Indian television. I wish these people would take lessons from Charlie Rose. He conducts interviews with such dignity, such effortless grace. All these anchors would do well to watch him.

    Great post, I loved the sarcasm and the satire.

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    1. Thanks. Charlie Rose- My knowledge is limited to Indian Anchors. Will try and watch his interview.

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  17. :) the tv anchors are in serious competition with stand up comics!

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  18. Amazing blog post....full of satire....enjoyed reading it:):):)

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    1. Thanks. Good to get a feedback from you.

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  19. You have explicitly explained the plight of our media these days.

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  20. Ha ha. That was hilarious. Specially the "Being Full of yourself" and "Ability to insult others in public", Sad state of the current Media here.

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    1. Thanks. It is definitely a sad state of affairs.

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  21. Satirical post am reminded of vivek and another lady attending an interview for the post of a news reader , wherein the lady gets selected due to her "excellent Tamil pronunciation " Sivakumar

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  22. Sir, Thank you very much for regularly visitng the blog and giving your views. It is a great encouragement.
    Vivek's sequence that you have mentioned is a superb one.

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  23. Best thing you upload in Online Printing . Good admin why u update Wholesale Printing related article.

    ReplyDelete